Sound Advice

Jason Bay loved playing here. Now, because he refused to accept a very good offer, I don't know where exactly he's going to go. I suppose we're still talking, but with the crowded outfield, I can't imagine how he's going to work his way back in to where his agent now acknowledges he was so happy and played so well. But Bay got some bad advice.

It's tough getting advice when you're in a marriage. It's not the same as when you're dating someone and the person's not family, not a real part of your cocoon, your essence. In those instances, you can tell all your friends, get tons of input, take time off, contemplate tossing the guy.

But to me talking about my marriage to friends is a betrayal of something I consider one of the pillars of my life. It's just not right. On the other hand, there are times when something happens, and I'm worried that I'm too mired in the muck of it to get a good read on the situation. Before I get too upset, I need someone to tell me I'm not nuts. (Or, as is sometimes the case, that I am.)

Luckily, I have someone (two people, if you count my therapist). A friend I trust implicitly and whose marriage I admire. She tells me when I'm overreacting, when a dustup is normal (usually she laughs her butt off). When it's worth saying something about how I feel or when it's a better idea to forget it and have a good cupcake. After all, I love this guy. he is family. He is my best friend. He gets the benefit of the doubt. And being good to him - in ways big and small - is crucially important to me. Sure, I'm a strong person, and I like things a certain way, and I expect a certain kind of treatment. But life is too short for making unfair and unnecessary demands of someone you love.

Jason Bay apparently didn't have anyone to tell him that. If he'd had someone like my friend, she would have said from the outset, "Okay, I think you're being a little nuts. You love playing on this team. Why not back down a little? How much money do you need?" But instead of a friend with a vested interest in his happiness, Bay has an agent with a vested interest in his bottom line.

Too bad. Had he negotiated differently from the outset, he wouldn't be in the position he is now - just wanting to get back into the arms of the team he knows he belongs with.